The likability dilemma: a lecture given by Robin Hauser

[An image of Hauser’s documentary on the same topic. Photo by Ally Olis]

“In our society women are penalized when we behave in ways that violate gender norms.”  

This was said by  Robin Hauser, a documentarian whose content focuses primarily on the female experience, in her lecture focuses on the likability factor among women and the unconscious bias surrounding gender. 

She offers insight into how modern-day sexism is exhibited through subtleties and microaggressions that are undetectable to those who haven’t experienced them but detrimental to those who face them on a daily basis. 

“Women, unlike men, are rarely perceived to be both competent and likable. Why do we perceive women differently when we assert ourselves?” Hauser asks.

She focuses on the manner in which a societal preference is a more submissive woman as opposed to those who are willing to take charge and be more active in their lives. She explains how it becomes commonplace for a woman who serves others to be praised, but one who serves herself to be reprimanded, reflecting in overall work performance.

“Women are not as good at men as negotiating for themselves. Yet, women outperform men when they negotiate on behalf of someone else. Women who negotiate for themselves are perceived as selfish and women who negotiate on behalf of someone else are perceived to be helpful. A helpful woman might be liked more than an assertive woman, but the helpful woman will never be recognized as having what it takes to be a successful leader.” Hauser explains.

She details many instances in her personal life where male entities have upheld the sentiment that she would be unable to follow what they were speaking about because she had no husband to teach her about such things.

“My masculine traits make me the kind of gal that can hang with the guys as long as I’m not their boss,” Hauser said.

A large portion of the lecture looked at how everyone sees themselves as impartial observers of such biases. However, Hauser found that they can easily occur unintentionally between females when one displays more confidence than the other. 

She explains that the only way to remove such biases from our society is to become self-aware of them even at the most basic level. 

“As long as society continues to associate leadership with masculine traits, female leaders will be judged more harshly even when they outperform male counterparts. It’s no wonder that United States female politicians suffer greatly as our elections tend to value likeability over competency.” Hauser says.

She expands to say that such issues are present in every facet of life from education to the workplace as backlash is created when input is given from women. 

“Studies show that women in meetings with both genders are less likely to contribute knowledge,” Hauser said. 

She advocates that the issue can be rectified once society is able to eliminate the notions of the double standard between men and women that are rooted in our ancestral history and the very development of our country. 

“A day when we value each other regardless of gender and for the unique contributions we all bring to the table, that will be the day when I don’t have to worry about being liked. I can just be me.”